My biggest Failure in Advertising...So Far

This is another guitar I was supposed to sell for someone, where I had never seen the guitar before hand, and didn't know anything about them. I think that when selling something, everyone is going to look it up anyway, so who cares if I describe the generic stats correctly? If I write it has 7 strings, and it only has 6, people won't care. Except I guess Epiphone lovers. But eff those guys.

Again, I went for a more artistic approach to the graphics.

The ad kinda sucked, so maybe that is why nobody bought the guitar. I had written like 3 other musical instrument ads within that week or two, so I was kinda burned out. How many different things can you say about a guitar? I don't know, and I don't care. But the correct answer is about "like 3 other ads" worth. I guess I got greedy. But not that greedy, since I don't actually charge to write the ads. I keep looking around my room for things to sell, because I like writing ads the most. I've even considered replying to a boring Kijiji ad, getting their email, and writing an ad for them. If they want it, they can activate the ad, and if not, whatever. It seems like it would be a fun idea anyway.

Up for grabs is 1 astounding electric guitar. It is, to the best of my knowledge, an Epiphone SG G310. If it isn’t, then it’s probably not much different from a G310. According to people who have played neither, like the Epiphone P.R. people on their website, this guitar is very close to a Gibson SG in sound and feel, and every other way except price. I think they might be biased. People who shelled out extra money for a Gibson are probably offended by this claim. This Epiphone SG isn’t as high end as the Gibson SG, but it’s also 1/4 of the price. With that in mind, this is an incredible guitar. If you’re just starting out, or you’ve played for a few years, or you are thinking of buying a guitar that says “Squier” on it, this is the guitar for you.

 

Everything on the guitar is black, except for the things that aren’t. It’s got a chrome bridge, chrome Grover tuners, and a chrome pickup switch. The guitar has that classic symmetrical double cutaway style that revolutionized guitar styling in the 60’s. That’s also the look that ruined that cool thing left handed players had going on when they flipped a right handed guitar over. I guess you can’t win em all. The guitar is in good shape, except for a crack in the finish on the side of the neck. It doesn’t affect playability, and barely affects the looks, since it’s near the fret board.

 

The two open coil humbuckers make this guitar more versatile than a Strat and a Les Paul taped together. Seriously, if I had a nickel for every tone this guitar could come up with, I wouldn’t have to sell it. It would be irresponsible of me to say that buying this guitar will make you the next big thing in the guitar world. You’ll still have to practice for like a week first.

 

This guitar really lives up to the SG name, which, according to Gibson, stands for Solid Guitar. That story checks out. This guitar will take all the abuse you can throw at it, and the only thing it will do in return, besides sound awesome, is get a chip on the neck apparently.

 

You might be asking “Why would anyone want to sell a guitar that is this amazing?”, and that’s a very good question. The thing is, I have too many SGs, and this one has to go. You’re not going to find a better guitar for the measly 150 bucks I’m asking. I would also consider trade offers involving a Marshall 4x12 cab. Please refer to the crayon drawings to see what this thing looks like.

 

If you’re the guy who keeps emailing me trying to offer a “rare” Tiger Woods photo, this is the guitar for you. Even your weekly allowance can afford this spectacular deal! I will not trade this guitar for a picture though. That’s just stupid. I will, however, trade the actual drawing of this guitar for your photo of Tiger Woods, and will even get my picture signed by the artist (Garet, age 27) for an extra $50.  You may choose either the drawing of the guitar, or the closeup drawing of the chipped paint near the headstock.

 

Pay close attention: If your trade offer for this guitar doesn’t involve a Marshall 4x12, I am not interested! 

Again, I had to stress the "No Tiger Woods" shit stuff, because that idiot kept emailing my friend. Nobody wanted a rare picture of Tiger Woods ever. I guess nobody wanted some black Epi SG either.

When I reread this one, I don't even see any jokes that I'm particularly proud of. You know what writing doesn't have jokes? The dictionary. And that is boring as shit. I guess the part about the PR people on the Epiphone website was alright. I have no problems making fun of strangers who will never know. That's a victimless crime.

My favourite part, and the most artistic part, was that I drew the guitar in crayon, put the picture on the fridge, and took a picture to post on Kijiji. Nobody wanted to buy my pictures yet, so I am not really a professional artist. Oh well. Once they sell, next stop is the Louvre.