I'd like to think my writing helped sell this guitar, which has an awesome 50's futuristic name...the Electromatic. My friend had it for sale for a while with no luck. Then I wrote this not so good ad, and it sold pretty quickly. Sure, someone who isn't an idiot could say that my ad may have had nothing to do with it. But I'm an idiot. So I sold the guitar. That makes me an advertising genius, but also still an idiot. The ad still sucks though. Why would I post an ad that I think is a piece of garbage you ask? Because it still ups my word count. And at the end of the day, isn't that all that really matters? So, let's go!
For sale is one amazing Gretsch Electromatic Duo Jet
guitar. This guitar is perfect for takin’ care of business, or rockin this
town. Though it’s not a true hollow body guitar, it has a chambered body that
fakes that kind of sound. I guess it’s not faking if it can do that sound…is
it?
This silver finished guitar is in great condition. The
flashy color and double cutaway body shape will be sure to hide your inability
to play guitar, so it’s perfect for beginners and veterans alike. I think
Gretsch only had 4 words in mind when they designed this guitar: six string sex
appeal. If you bring a shiny silver guitar on stage, it doesn’t really matter
what you play. The same can be said for fuzzy guitars. This Electromatic looks
great, even though it’s got a few dings and scratches on it. Though it’s
nothing out of the ordinary for an instrument that’s been gigged a few times.
Included, at no extra charge, are the two pickups this
guitar came with, one in the neck and 1 in bridge position. The pickups are
mini-humbuckers, whatever that means. These two pickups, in combination with
some clever fiddling with the tone and volume knobs, will make it a great
guitar to play everything from ABBA to ZZ Top. I mostly play Men Without Hats
and Rick Astley on it, and I know this guitar is never gonna give you up.
So, not only is this a fine Gretsch guitar straight from
the factory, but it also has an important upgrade. Have you ever seen someone
do that move where they spin the guitar around their neck? Well, I learned the
hard way that the secret there is strap locks. This Gretsch has some Dunlop
strap locks on it, so you too can spin it around. And, let’s face it, if you
have a shiny silver guitar that you spin around your neck, you don’t need to
learn anything but an E, an A, and a B power chord.
I know that you’re all wondering why anyone would want to
sell such an amazing piece of equipment. That’s an excellent question. Well,
I’ll tell you. I have far too many guitars and not enough arms. I need to
liquidate some gear, so the only trade I’d consider must have the words
“Marshall” and “4x12” in it. Plus, it would be a waste to just play Motorhead
and Ramones with The Graveyard Ducks on this guitar.
Email me for some pretty well done MS Paint renditions of
this guitar. Also I guess I could take pictures…but that doesn’t seem very fun.
I first want to say that I think it's rather low to just namedrop so many bands. Plus the Stray Cats and BTO probably used hollow body guitars, for all I care. Pop culture references are for the Big Bang Theory level humor, and they're not really my bag. I'm above that shit. I did want to namedrop The Graveyard Ducks, though, because I thought this ad was going to go up on the work buy and sell. It has been my goal to break every posting rule they have, and I'm getting there. On that bass guitar ad, I posted a link so everyone could hear what it sounds like go to the LS bandcamp page. Take that you not very rigid rules at work. I'm an anarchist!
I did really break a guitar trying to spin it. The less I say about that part, the better.
I totally cheated on the picture, and just drew over a real picture of a Gretsch. I can't draw guitars freehand, and I'm not going to learn anytime soon.
Yeah, I guess you don't know what a The Graveyard Ducks is. I'll explain that later.
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